Today I am 9 months pregnant. The last few months have been odd in the time sense--time flew by so quickly yet here I am, still pregnant, longing for him already, despite knowing that he arrives anytime in the next few weeks. I am part scared, part excited, part unprepared, part exhilarated.
Was it in July when I thought I was feverish, blaming the weather? It was in a text conversation with J when it dawned on me: the possibility. I was complaining about this fever that came with menstrual cramps. He asked me whether I was sure it was just those two, joked about how maybe I was pregnant. And as I googled "pregnancy symptoms", a list of things I was feeling specifically was there, on my screen. Google was suggesting I could be pregnant.
That night, before dinner, J and I bought a couple of pregnancy tests. During dinner, I was waiting to be anxious.
The anxiety never arrived. I felt a wave of calmness instead. That, with undertones of curiosity. J, on the other hand, ate faster than he ever did. We wanted to know.
For some reason, I have been waiting for the freakout. I was never one to dream about marriage and babies--I was, in fact, quite scared of those two. I never expected myself to be this calm about something this life changing. I thought I'd find myself running around, pulling out my hair, shouting gaaaah!, but everything has been one calm wave after the other. It's so weird.
I suppose there were glorious, ecstatic moments, like when I saw my little bean and heard its heartbeat for the first time.
And also I saw this little love continue to grow into a little baby boy! He looks like he is wearing either an Aang or Ironman mask here. :)
I love you and your many moods and faces so much!
Now I feel as though he is doing somersaults inside me. There are two mounds, which I think are either his knees or elbows, going around the roundness that is my belly. I can't wait to be with you, Rocco.
Wish me and Rocco luck, everyone! Oh and good vibes to you!